The following examples of line content vary considerably from person to person. The examples given are the primary variants that have been sent in to us but we received many others. The reader must appreciate, however, that there is not room here for all the small variants, particularly, for example, where the word “and” is substituted for the word “or”, or something similar. Not all variants occur in the same order as that given above and occasionally an extra line is added here and there.

1. Although the first line in this variant usually begins with, “Ladies and gentlemen…”, it also commonly occurs as, “Ladies and jellyspoons…”, “Ladles and jellyspoons…” and, “Ladies and germs…”. One example of a considerable departure from the more usual versions of the rhyme gives the first two lines as, “Friends, Romans and Jellybeans, Lend me your ears”. From Troy, New York, we received:

 “Ladies and Jellybeans,
Of the United Snakes of Asparagus,
I’m here in front of you stand in back of you.”

 And Gill Legge sent in:

 “Ladies and Gentlemen and baldheaded babies
With their hair parted down the middle.”

2. With the exception of Troy, New York, line two appears to be common to most versions although “Cock-eyed mosquitoes” surfaced from one reader and, from fifty years ago in Texas, Susan Stallings remembered:

 “Ladies and gentlemen, Horses and fleas,
Bow-legged ants and cross-eyed bees.”

3. Ronald Turner sent in the variant, “I stand before you…” and Graham Snyder sent in, “…to sit behind you”. Rita Hoerr remembered, “I stand before you, Right behind you” while Gill Legge followed his “babies”, and Susan Stallings followed her “cross-eyed bees” with:

“I come before you to address you,
Not to undress you.”

4. This was followed, by Susan, with, “To tell you a story of the two dead boys”. Elsewhere it has surfaced as, “To tell you a story you’ve all heard before.”

5. In line five the first day of the week is usually given as Thursday but other days also occur.

6. “Mother’s Day” was reduced to a simple “Mother’s meeting” in one version sent in, and another gave the mother and the father in reverse order so that it finished up as: “Father’s Day for mothers only”.

 Then there were these two lines that were also sent in:

 “On Wednesday, if it’s a fine day on Thursday,
There will be a meeting held in this hall.”

7. The word “so” is dropped from this line in some versions.

8. “Pull up a seat, etc.” variously appears as, “Pull up/Pull out a chair…”, “Bring your own seat…”, “Bring your seats…”, “Have a seat on me…”, “There are seats in the house…” or, “There are plenty of seats…”.

 After this, the lines about, “The topic to discuss…” etc. are often left out and the rhyme goes on to the rhyme of the “Two Dead Boys”. Stephanie, however, remembered the rhyme going on to:

“I see said the blind man to his deaf wife,
As his crippled son ran up the stairs.”

Which Sandra remembered as:

“I see said the blind man to his deaf wife,
As he picked up a hammer and saw.”

Another reader went from our line four to:

“‘Tis about the four corners of the round table.”

Where her memory of the rhyme faltered. The “Round table” line was nevertheless also recalled by some other readers who remembered:

“Thank you for your very kind unattention,
I will now proceed to tell you about the four corners of the round table.”

and:

“Four corners to a round table,
Figure it out if you are able.”